Texts from... Other Nights?

So, I have a friend here, a fellow volunteer from my stage, who
happens to be hilarious. Unfortunately, taken out of context, these
texts are probably still only funny to me, but whatever. Sadly, most
of the ones I had saved were on my previous phone, which was stolen at
the swear-in party, but there is a sampling of more recent ones...so I
present to you, "What it's like to be a new-at-post PCV in Benin, as
illustrated by out-of-context text messages":

After telling him about a crazy dream of mine...
"That is profoundly fucked up. This is coming from a guy who just ate
a salad next to a cross-eyed man in a tight pink shirt who sang the
entirety of "Barbie Girl." "

"Like my grandma always said, if you're gonna have a bat fly up your
pooper, it's best to be drunk."

"I saw the yovo today. He has a handlebar mustache and a crocodile dundee hat"
...three minutes later:
"He's French. I assume I'll have to kill him in some sort of duel."

"And now we have a flat tire and a blind guy is somehow putting his
info in my phone."

"My bar suddenly has a bamboo outhouse. I think the neighbors complained."

About getting caught in a torrential downpour...
"It's not so much the wetness as the hysterical laughter of observers
and the smug look from goats who have the sense to hide under
ceilings."

"It sounds like there is a wolverine orgy happening in my roof right now."